Flying Without Wings - Westlife

A very big thank you from Mum and I goes out to everyone who has written to me, sent e-mails or left a comment on the blog about the passing of my Father. It has been a bewildering few weeks for us but it has been made easier from all the support, thoughts and prayers of so many friends.  This picture is of a rose Judy, a friend of mine, gave me to remember my Father by, it's called Duchesse De Brabant and has a beautiful subtle fragrance. Ian has potted it up and placed it next to the front of the shop in pride of place so that everyone can see it. Getting back into a normal routine of sorts has taken me longer than I had expected, probably due to having to focus on Mum and helping her through her own current difficulties and that the Martinborough Fair has just taken place. Every year Dad would come and stay for a few days in February and March to sell his woodturning at the fair so it was difficult knowing that he wouldn't be coming visiting this year.

I couldn't bring myself to go to the fair in February but a lovely thing happened that day... I had opened the shop and a Mother came in with her three daughters. The youngest was quite distressed and when I asked why her Mother explained that they had just been to the fair and her daughter had bought herself a balloon but as they were leaving the fair a gust of wind took the balloon from her hand and it floated up into the sky. I gave her a packet of my favourite heart shaped candy and told her that my Father had just passed away and gone up to heaven and as that was way up it the sky I'd ask him to look out for the balloon and hang onto it for her. Just as I said that a monarch butterfly fluttered past us and the Mother declared that the butterfly must have been my Father's way of saying he had the balloon as the butterfly was the same colour as the balloon. Her daughter had stopped crying and was all smiles again... but I was back on the verge of tears!

Funny how only a few months ago I said to someone that I thought that grief was quite a selfish thing. At that point I was fortunate enough not to have lost anyone close to me. Now that I have lost Dad I have a whole new understanding of grief... I now know first hand that it is indeed a selfish thing but necessarily so.

Thank you also to everyone who has asked after my Mum. The news on that front is all good! Mum has had her operation and the test results came back confirming that the surgeon had removed all the cancer and that it had not spread to her lymph nodes. This means that Mum will not have to go through chemo or radiation therapy which will speed up her recovery. I was back up in Hamilton for a few days this past week staying with her and making sure that she celebrated her birthday. She had said that there was nothing to celebrate this year but I told her that she had just had her own death sentence lifted so there was an awful lot to celebrate and to be thankful for. So with that in mind I gave her no option to back out. One of the presents I bought her was this colourful cyclamen in a cute little pot with a princely frog on the side. (OK so you either like frogs or not... and Mum loves frogs). I told her that as she had just lost her Prince Charming this would have to do as a replacement.

  At her request I also knitted her a pair of socks using the London's calling pattern I designed last year. She said she wanted them to be pink and when I saw the Vintage Purls limited edition colourway of "Fuschia Frenzy" I knew it was meant to be as Mum and I both love fuschia's and Mum had given me three new varieties for my garden as Christmas presents last year. Mum didn't feel up to having a full length photograph of her taken but was delighted with the socks and proudly wiggled her toes in the socks for this photo. I did however inadvertantly manage to make Mum cry later that morning when I handed her an envelope. For every special event Mum had to celebrate Dad would always give her a card and written inside was "To My Darling from Your Darling" along with a lottery ticket. I saw no reason for this tradition to end with Dad's passing so I bought a card, wrote the usual message and included a lottery ticket. Mum then apologised for crying but saying that it wasn't sad crying. I told her there was nothing to apologise for and that it was just my way of letting her know that Dad would always be around. I was hoping that Dad might have been able to fiddle things from up there to make the right numbers come up in the lottery draw but alas that wasn't the case! :-) We spent the evening of her birthday at a new restaurant in Hamilton with uncle John, her twin brother, and his partner Sue. It was a nice relaxing time for us all and we still managed to get home in time for Mum to watch Dancing with the Stars on TV. 

I mentioned earlier that Mum had given me some fuschia plants for Christmas last year... well I was worried that during the peak of summer, when we had some incredibly hot weather and water restrictions were in place, that the plants had died. You can't beat the resilience of nature because they have all rebudded and are coming back into bloom. I'll leave you with this picture of the fuschia in the cat planter... it's called Winston Churchill.  

Comments

[The Other Andrew]

Just checking in after a while, and so sorry to hear your news James! Love and best wished to you and your mum!

[anne marie in philly]

you will probably feel lost for a while, wandering with no purpose. it is what it is.

GREAT news about your mother! YAYZ YAYZ YAYZ for her! and her socks look adorable and comfortable.

smooches to all at your house!

[Christine in the UK]

I'm so glad that your positive attitude is helping, and that your Mum is recovering well. Great socks BTW
Christine

[QueerJoe]

You're a great son...making sure your mom is doing well, grieving your dad with such love and respect and knitting mom-socks. You can't find better than that.

Those socks are delightful, by the way.

[Libby]

Sounds to me like you are a wonderful support for your Mum, do be careful though, lots of people over do things in the early grief stage - trying to 'get on with things' - go easy on yourself and keep all expectations low for a while.
Grief is a funny thing and it changes over time. You can think you're feeling ok and then get really down again. I've lost several people very close to me and I've seen others and how it has been for them and it's never the same for everyone. I still have many 'moments' 24 and 15yrs later! Little things can set me off and often that takes me by surprise.
From my experience I have certainly found that a positive attitude and being kind to yourself does help though! Keep knitting............

[jessica~]

I love that you continued your Dad's tradition with the card and the ticket. What a lovely thought! Also, what you said to that daughter about her balloon - I'm sure you were right. Wonderful news that your mum is going to be ok and won't have to bother with those terrible treatments!! Hugs to you!!!!